Day 5, Motivational Mondays: Conflict resolution with the Indian Talking Stick!!

First Motivational Mondays, post.

Today I'm going to talk about something I picked up from Steven Covey's seminar in Shanghai a couple of years ago.

Conflict Resolution using the Indian Talking Stick

Actual Stephen Covey seminar:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75bDF2ELdH0

The concept of the Talking Stick is that no one is supposed to speak expect the person holding the stick. Also the person can talk until he feels that his message is being understood by all parties. Then the stick is passed on to the next person so and so forth.

The method is really effective as it allows both sides of the story to be heard by all parties involved so they can understand why the other person is acting the way he/she is. Sometimes, it might seem that they are doing it to spite you but in truth, they're just trying to resolve a situation the way they know how.

They may be in need of help

A few years back I worked with a lateral sales manager who is managing a different product but some of our clients overlap.

She would do stuff like bribing my sale staff so that they would help her sell her product and all sorts of underhanded multi-deal package in order to get her sales moving. Naturally, I was pissed when I found out eventually what she did.

Fortunately, I just attended the seminar and learnt about the talking stick. So I sat her down and had a heart to heart chat with her regarding what she has been doing.

Turns out, she was never properly trained before being put into her position. She couldn't cope with the stress that was put on her and she was desperate to get her team's numbers up. So she resorted to using everything she knows in an attempt to help boost her sales.

So what we ended up getting the top management to give all the sales managers a proper sales management training which actually helped foster some sort of team work between the different product teams.

Tip of the day:

People do things the best way they know how. It pays to find out why instead of criticizing what they did.

Day 4: It's not you, it's me...

"Actually it's you. I hate you, it is all your problem. YOU are the cause of all my problems."

Whenever we encounter a problem at work and life, we think, "how dare you do this to me", "what an idiot", "I have done nothing wrong!", "It's not my fault you're..." so and so forth.

We would like to think that whatever just happened is nothing to do with us. We're being treated unfairly. Life hates us. Why is everyone treating me like that. Why can't I be like (name of someone very popular/successful), why does he get everything and not me?

Wanna know a secret?

The problem is really you. I'm sorry, it's true. The doctor says you are the source of all your unhappiness.

OK, there is no doctor but there is some truth in what I'm going to talk about in a minute.

"The world is a reflection of you"

You know that really obnoxious/nasty person in your office/class/neighborhood? The one that treats everyone badly as though he is a movie star? Everybody hates him and gives him a hard time whenever they have anything to do with him.

Remember that cleaner, security guard in our office/home/school? The one who is very friendly and talks to you every time you see him? Everyone like him, buys him snacks and coffee, sometimes even gives him stuff during Chinese new year.

How about the classmate/coworker that is always happy for some reason? The one that doesn't panic or get stressed up about the amount of work or the deadline and somehow is able to finish all his projects on time and does it better than everyone else?

And lastly the coworker/boss/project leader who is always bitching about this and that? The one that drives his team crazy with all the over-time and unreasonable demands? He gets things done, but at the cost of everyone's sanity, happiness. Rarely his work is up to standard.

Of course, we see all these people in our daily life.

The big questions is:

"Which one of these characters are you? Are you surprised at why others treat you that way?"

Try sometime different tomorrow. When someone pisses you off tomorrow, stop to think for one second, why did he just do what he did to you. Not from your perspective. From that person's perspective.

China Breakfast ends at 8 am (true story)

I could give an example of something that happened this morning when I was going to Mc Donald's for breakfast.

I arrived at 9.55 am. since I remembered breakfast ends at 10 a.m. Sweet lady at the counter tells me sorry breakfast has ended, would you like to look at our lunch menu instead? I was pretty pissed since I actually made it a point to leave the house a bit early so I can get a sausage Mc muffin with egg.

So I asked, "Anything left over from the breakfast menu?"

She said none whatsoever and told me that they usually stop preparing breakfast stuff from 9.30 since most people stop having breakfast by 9 as they have to reach their office by 9.

So I got a lousy Fillet O Fish and sulked to office.

When I told my assistant about my unhappy morning visit to Mc Donald's. This is what Mary (my assistant) has to say.

"Do you think the whole of China revolves around your bourgeois lifestyle? Breakfast is served from 6.30-8.00, lunch 11.00-13.00, dinner 16.30-18.00. If you're late you get no food, got it?"

I think she sums it up for me.

It's not you, it's me...

Day 3: My lamb kebab says "Meow!"

Bought a bunch of kebabs from a street vendor near my office and shared it with our office staff. Tastes really good, not over cooked, juicy. Everyone loved it.

Then I noticed that lamb smell in my mouth, so I went to get a drink of water to wash it down. Guess what, it won't go away. Now I'm worried. However I did notice that my assistant did not eat any of the kebabs. In the most indirect way I could think of was to ask, "you don't like lamb?", I was in no way prepared for her reply. "It might be cat."

I could hear my cat go "Meow" to mourn the death of his brother in arms.

And her next statement was, I quote:"Beef is cat(meat) and lamb is rat(meat)."

My sweet assistant has a way of putting out the facts with no regards to how it would sound. Something with the kids born after the 90s.

"And the mutton taste that won't go away is the process in which they soak the meat in lamb pee so it smells like mutton."

Thanks Mary(name changed to protect her identity), you don't say.

You could hear a pin drop at that point. Should have taken a picture of one of the other managers who just had 3.

After a quick Google search, this came up.

http://shanghaiist.com/2010/09/23/cat_meat_posing_as_lamb_meat.php

Tip of the day:

Don't eat kebabs. Unless you like your meat marinated with pee.

Day 2: Fat burning or how winter helps you lose weight

First of all, let me mention that this method is not recommended by any doctor but comes from my personal experiences and how my body reacts to cold. Also, all stunts mentioned in this blog post is done by a professional and not to be imitated.

Diets. Weight Loss Programs. Exercise. None of them actually worked for me in the long run.

Tried Atkins

Lost so much weight, like 5kg and counting, wife didn't like it, said that it makes my body too acidic and is bad for health. So dropped it and the pound came back. Well you can say yo yo effect.

Tried the less rice/meat more veg

Apart from feeling miserable, I don't think I lost many. There is always a funny feeling there like, you are full but unsatisfied. Doesn't help, you eat more of the other stuff and still you feel horrible.

Tried Exercise

Actually did Yoga, feels great! Really do, problem is I eat too, and well afterwards. So balances the energy output with the food intake. Didn't help with the weight. But man I feel good and alive.

What really works for me?

Burning fats by losing heat

So how does one burn fat? Exercise and heat generation. If I rule out the exercise part, there is only heat generation. So first you need to figure out how much energy you actually need in a day. For a lazy person like me, I figure, if I eat what I'm eating while not doing any extra exercise, and I'm getting fat means my energy intake is much higher than what I'm using.

Right?

So lets try to reduce that intake. Reducing dinner is a no no, I don't care what others say. I can't sleep at night with an empty stomach. I'm so sorry. So lunch has to go instead. One needs 2,000kcal a day so I'm assuming that my lunch should consists of around 1,000kcal. So the plan is to take only around half of that so 500kcal.

What is 500kcal?

2 corn cobs and a boiled egg.

That solves my intake part, down by 500kcal. On the the output part.

You know how your parents say, "dress warm don't you feel cold?", the point is to dress the minimum you can take to prevent hypothermia.

The best gauge is when you're not shivering, but your hands are freezing cold.

Next step is do what you do, meaning nothing. Within the first 2 hours the energy from your food will be burnt as heat for your body and you'll start burning your fat reserves for heat.

Yes you will feel terrible but, it will all be worth it because by the end of one week you would have lost 4kg.

Day 1: Or why I started this blog

How do I call myself a "Digital Marketing Consultant" if I don't even have my own blog?

I could with all the projects we have done with many of the big clients we work with, but on a personal level, I think I should write about what I do for a living and so others can pick up bits and pieces of wisdom from the mis-happenings in my life.

Day 1. Done. Whew!